


My Fair Tenn

by ZimsMostLoyalServant



Series: Ruby Pair [4]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Based on a Billy & Mandy Episode, Canon - Comics & Cartoon Combination, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Invader Zim comic series, Post-Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29518368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZimsMostLoyalServant/pseuds/ZimsMostLoyalServant
Summary: To prove her ego, Tenn enters the skool's annual beauty pageant. Hilarity ensues.
Relationships: Dib & Gaz (Invader Zim), Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Invader Tenn & Zita, Keef/Invader Tenn (one-sided), Zim & Invader Tenn (Invader Zim)
Series: Ruby Pair [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584802
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	My Fair Tenn

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, everyone, and welcome to the next entry in this fun little series. And first thing's first, I have to give full credit for this one to my good friend Invader Johnny, who had the idea for it after being inspired by the "Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy" episode "My Fair Mandy"; when he suggested it to me, it was so good I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I just knew I had to do it next. Though to be clear right from the start, it's a case of "inspired by", as opposed to "direct adaptation", so aside from a few minor gags, it won't be taking things straight from the episode.
> 
> Anyway, other than that, just want to give the usual well wishes in these tough times. Beyond that, read on and enjoy!

It was another agonizing day at skool, the minutes seeming to crawl by for the students as they sat in their mind-numbingly dull classes. However, to their relief, the lunchtime break finally came, and they poured out of their classrooms to make their way to the cafeteria for a temporary escape from the tedium, even if it meant having to deal with the dreadful skool food. Tenn was only slightly different on that count, emerging from Miss Bitters' class and taking a detour to her locker to swap out her pre-lunch books for her post-lunch ones; it wasn't like she was going to actually be _eating_ any of that slop, so why rush to get there?

"Not that it still isn't better than the rest of the skool day," Tenn thought aloud as she reached her locker and unlocked it, "I mean really, we get it, human life is pointless and the world is doomed. Do we really need an old crone to repeat it at us a million times a day, every day? That's just-"

"Hi Tenn!"

"Ah!" Tenn jumped back in shock as she opened the locker and saw that, against all logic, Keef was crammed into the small space, smile plastered on his face.

"How in the-? What are you doing in my locker?!" she demanded, glaring at him.

"I wanted to surprise you with a present!" Keef replied, holding up a jar of limes, "I overheard you telling Zita the other day how much you love limes, so I got you some!"

"I was being sarcastic when I said that," Tenn said, squinting an eye in confusion, "And how did you even hear that? I know for a fact you were out sick with head pigeons the day that conversation happened!"

"I have my ways," Keef said, in a tone that, combined with a wiggling of his eyebrows, was probably meant to make him sound more suave. All it did was just make him seem even creepier than he already was, if that was even possible.

"…Right," Tenn said after a moment, before reaching into her PAK and handing something to Keef, "Here, I've got a present for you too."

"Really?" Keef exclaimed, happily taking the palm-sized metal sphere with rapidly blinking lights, "What is it?"

Tenn didn't reply, instead slamming the locker door shut. Seconds later, the locker shook as a huge explosion went off inside it, the door being partially knocked off its hinges as flames and smoke belched outwards. Watching this all with perfect stoicism, Tenn decided that she could retrieve whatever was left of her books after lunch; if need be, she'd just explain the absence of them to Miss Bitters, who she was 80 percent certain would be understanding in this situation.

Walking to the cafeteria and receiving her tray of "food", Tenn looked around the room and saw that Dib and Zim were already engaging in their usual death glare contest. Rolling her eyes at the display and deciding that after dealing with Keef she had already hit her daily tolerance for nonsense, she decided to ignore the two and instead walked over to Zita's table, dropping her tray on its surface and sitting down with a huff.

"What's with you?" Zita asked.

"Keef," Tenn said in simple response, which was all Zita needed to hear.

"Ah, okay then," she said, turning back to her own food as Tenn pretended to eat hers. They sat there in an amiable silence for a few minutes, until Jessica approached the table and plopped down to join them.

"Afternoon, ladies," she greeted them, placing a flyer on the tabletop, "Anyone know what time of year it is?"

Zita glanced at the flyer, then groaned and rolled her eyes. Tenn, mildly curious at her reaction, picked up the flyer to give it a closer look.

"And what exactly is the 'Annual Miss Skoolyard Pageant'?" she asked, reading the title aloud.

"Oh, right, I forgot you're too new to know about this," Jessica commented, "So, basically, it's a local beauty pageant that the skool runs every year, sponsored by a big cosmetics company. They get a tax write-off, the skool gets a big payoff, and the girls who enter the competition get a great experience. Everyone wins."

"Oh yeah, a 'great experience'," Zita snorted, "If you don't mind the stress of having to spend days on end getting every last hair in place, finding the right dress/makeup combo, and learning a talent to display. All for the sake of maybe winning some applause and a very small prize."

"Didn't stop you from competing and winning last year," Jessica pointed out.

"You know that was only because my mom made me enter so she could live vicariously through me," Zita scoffed, "I wanted nothing to do with that mess, and I hated every minute of it."

"You think she'll make you do it again this year?" Tenn asked. She wasn't actually that curious, but it seemed the most normal thing to say in the conversation.

"Thankfully, she can't," Zita replied with a slight smirk, "Girls who win are ineligible from competing again. So I'm safe."

"Stop making it sound like a bloodsport," Jessica said, giving Zita a minor glare, "Some of us happen to actually like this sort of thing. And with you ineligible, this is my year to grab the crown."

"You seem certain of your chances," Tenn commented.

"Well, why shouldn't I be?" Jessica asked with a scoff, "Zita here's the only girl in this skool who can match me in both looks and style. Not that I expect _you_ to get that."

Tenn glared at the jab against her, but Jessica either didn't notice it or didn't care, continuing on.

"Though that said, I could probably use some help getting myself prepped and ready for everything I'll need," she said, "Zita can actually help with the styling, but you could probably be useful too if you put your mind to it."

"So glad you think so," Tenn growled.

"Yeah, you're not doing yourself any favors here, Jess," Zita cut in, frowning herself at Jessica's wording, "Look, I've had my fill of the whole thing, and Tenn doesn't look interested-"

"I'm definitely not," Tenn cut in, wanting to make that point clear.

"-so I think it's a good idea if you just drop it already," Zita continued without pause.

"Fine, I guess I'll go find someone else to help out," Jessica said with a huff as she stood up, "Maybe I can find some losers who think they have a chance of winning, help them realize they're wrong, and get them to help me instead of wasting their time."

Tenn and Zita watched her walk away, then the former gave the latter an inquisitive look.

"Remind me why you're friends with her again?" she asked.

"I know it's hard to believe right at this minute, but most of the time she's not that bad," Zita said, "She's just… really stubborn and opinionated, and tends not to think about how what she says affects people."

"Clearly," Tenn snorted, glancing at the flyer again, "She seriously cares that much about this nonsense?"

"She's also pretty vain, I'll admit that," Zita said with a shrug, "Sorry if she hurt your feelings any with what she said."

"Unlike her, my ego isn't sensitive enough to be affected by something this petty," Tenn replied, though in honestly she couldn't deny the spike of intense annoyance she had felt at Jessica's words, "Speaking of which, I really hope she loses. Getting her over-bloated sense of self-importance knocked down to size should make her a bit more bearable."

"Or she might get worse by complaining nonstop about losing," Zita pointed out.

"Worth the risk," Tenn said, crumpling the flyer up and stuffing it into her PAK.

After that, the conversation more or less died down, and before long all the students had returned to class. And after a couple more grueling hours, they were finally free to escape the building as fast as they could, running down the halls to burst out the doors or jumping out of windows. Tenn, though, took a more sedate route, walking towards the exit at a steady pace, the only deviance from this being when Keef (unsurprisingly not dead or maimed) tried to approach her; she responded by stepping around the nearby Chunk and bumping him hard enough to stumble into Keef. As the bully did what he did best and lashed out at the first thing in sight for the inconvenience, Tenn put them both behind her and continued to the exit.

"Maybe we should shoot that pest into space, see if that gets rid of him for awhile," she muttered to herself as she emerged from the building. Reaching the top of the steps, she paused as she saw Jessica standing nearby on the sidewalk, talking to a group of girls. Or, more accurately from the look of things, talking _at_ them; while Tenn couldn't hear what she was saying, the flyer in her hand, the smug look on her face, and the downtrodden looks on the faces of her audience made it clear to Tenn that she was doing her best to crush any hopes they might have had for the pageant.

…And suddenly, Tenn was struck by a flashback to her days at the Academy, when the taller cadets would sneer down at the shorter ones, and make it clear that to them, the shorties had no chance at succeeding in anything and should just accept it. As that thought came to her, she scowled in Jessica's direction, before stomping off, muttering Irken obscenities under her breath.

The scowl was still on her face even some time later when she was back at base. Sitting at a console in the main lab, she glared at nothing in particular as the same thoughts whirled over and over again in her head. Taking the flyer out of her PAK to stare at it again, her scowl deepened, before she finally made a decision.

"Computer, bring up everything you can find on human beauty pageants," she ordered.

"Uh, okay?" the Computer replied, "Not the weirdest request I've ever gotten… information retrieved."

The various screens surrounding Tenn lit up, displaying both written details about beauty pageants and video clips of them. Tenn took it all in, eyes darting from one screen to another, not missing anything. She was doing this so intently that she barely noticed as Zim entered the room, looking at something on a datapad. Glancing up from it, he blinked as he saw what Tenn was doing.

"Eh? What is all this?" he demanded.

"Information on beauty pageants," Tenn explained, "They're human vanity competitions."

"Zim knows what beauty pageants are, the skool holds one every year," Zim said with a frown, "What I don't understand is why you're doing such an in-depth analysis of something so pointless."

"I'm researching it _because_ the skool is holding another one," she replied, holding up the flyer. As Zim continued to stare at her inquisitively, she fidgeted uncomfortably, before finally sighing and muttering, "I'm thinking of entering it."

"What?" Zim blurted out… and then he and Tenn blinked as they realized another voice had said that at the same time. They looked around the room in confusion, before pausing as they had the same thought, and looking up at the ceiling, where Dib was clinging to several cables, wearing a stealth suit.

"Um… hi?" he said weakly. Then he yelled in panic as both Irkens deployed their PAK legs and opened fire at him. Leaping to the floor to escape the streams of plasma, he bolted towards the nearest elevator chute and jumped into it, allowing its suction to absorb him and shoot him to the surface level, spitting him out of the kitchen trashcan.

Scrambling to his feet, Dib ran towards the front of the house as Zim and Tenn emerged from the toilet elevator. They fired a few more shots after him, but he managed to evade them and run out the front door, running across the yard and skittering to a stop on the sidewalk.

"Ha! You both missed me!" he shouted as he turned around to gloat — at which point one of the security gnomes fired a blast of its own, hitting the ground right in front of his feet. The resulting explosion sent Dib flying through the air to land in a dumpster several yards down the street.

"Infuriating worm-baby," Zim muttered darkly, glaring at where Dib had landed before slamming the door shut. Turning back towards the living room, he glared at where GIR and Minimoose were sitting on the couch.

"Why didn't you warn us that the Dib had infiltrated the base?" he demanded.

"Nyah!"

"What do you mean, 'it was GIR's turn to tell me'?!"

"Oh, we all decided to take turns informing you of Dib's usual break-ins," the Computer replied in a bored tone, "You know, to breakup the tedium a little."

"Wonderful security system you have here," Tenn said dryly, as Zim grit his teeth in annoyance, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have research to get back to."

"What? Oh, right," Zim said, as he remembered what they had been talking about before the interruption, "Why in Irk's name would you want to partake in something as worthless as a human beauty competition?"

"I agree that they're worthless, and normally I wouldn't even consider it," she replied, eyes narrowing, "But the way Jessica's parading about over it, putting everyone else down so she can put herself on top… it reminds me too much of how the taller cadets would treat us shorties. I want to bring her down off of the pedestal she's building for herself, and if I have to put myself through this nonsense to do it, it'll be worth it."

"Oh, you want to prove your superiority over a pitiful human rival? You should have just said so," Zim said, "You want any help with this?"

"I'll let you know if I need anything," Tenn said with a casual wave, as she walked back towards the elevators.

Meanwhile, down the street, Dib had pulled himself out of the dumpster, and was brushing himself off.

"Darn it, I didn't even get a chance to plant any cameras," he muttered, "Still, at least now I know that Tenn's planning to infiltrate the beauty pageant. But why? Is she planning to brainwash the audience, or blow them all up, or something worse?! Gah, if only I'd had a chance to hear more, and figure out what she's plotting. I'm going to need to get close to the pageant and keep an eye on her, but how?"

Dib paced up and down the sidewalk for a few minutes, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he paused, eyes widening as an idea came to him.

"That's it!" he exclaimed happily, quickly running off down the street.

_Membrane Household, Shortly After_

"You want me to do _what?_ " Gaz demanded, actually pausing her game to stare at her brother incredulously.

"Please, Gaz!" Dib pleaded, actually getting down on his knees next to the couch as he begged, "It's the only way to keep an eye on Tenn and figure out what she's planning! I know this isn't the kind of thing you'd normally do, but-"

"Damn right I wouldn't," Gaz snapped, leaning further back into the couch and crossing her arms over her chest as she glared down at him, "So please tell me why, just because _you're_ paranoid about what Zim's new friend is up to, _I_ have to be the one to sign up for a glorified dog show?"

"'Dog show'?" Dib echoed, blinking in confusion.

"It's basically what they are," Gaz snorted, "Prettying girls up and putting them on a stage, just so that they can be arbitrarily judged on their looks and whatever little tricks they can do. And all the while telling other girls that 'hey, this is what you're supposed to look like to be pretty, and if you're not, you're ugly!' The whole thing is just disgusting."

"…You've put a lot of thought into this," Dib commented, after silently staring at her for a few moments.

"Hey, if other girls want to limit themselves to stereotypical ideas of how they're supposed to look, fine. I'd just like for the world to stop trying to shove those of us who don't want to do that into a cookie cutter," Gaz grumbled, picking her game back up. Seeing that she was trying to end the conversation, Dib shook his head and tried to get it back on track.

"Okay, I get it," he said, getting back to his feet to continue talking normally, "But you've gotta know I wouldn't be asking you to do this if I wasn't desperate. Tenn's entering the pageant, and since boys can't get involved in it, you're the only way I can get close enough to keep tabs on her and stop whatever she's up to."

"How do you know she's not just doing this for fun?" Gaz asked.

"Gaz, she's an Irken Invader, they don't just do stuff this silly for fun," Dib said.

"How about an ego boost? I mean, I don't know her that well, but even if her ego's not as big as Zim's — not that it possibly could be — she still seems pretty full of herself. Maybe she's just trying to stroke her pride."

"I can't take that chance," Dib said, "Now please, what'll it take to convince you to do this? You want cash? Me to pay for your games and pizza? Permission to punch me in the face? Come on, I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" Gaz asked, an evil gleam appearing in her eye as she looked up from her game.

"Yes, anything!" Dib said, ignoring the uneasy feeling he got at seeing the look on her face

"Hmm," Gaz mused, tapping her chin in thought, "Okay then. You want me to do this? Then you have to not watch _Mysterious Mysteries_."

"That's it?" Dib asked, baffled but relieved at the simple request.

"For a year," Gaz added, smirking as Dib's eyes widened in shock.

"What? How is you entering the pageant worth me skipping a whole season?" Dib demanded.

"You're asking me to step way outside my comfort zone for the sake of _your_ obsession, in a way that'll probably put a huge dent in my tough-as-nails reputation for awhile," Gaz replied firmly, "You want me to do that, you better be willing to give up something _you_ care about for a while. That's the deal, take it or leave it."

Dib frowned and grumbled unhappily under his breath for a few moments. Eventually, however, he took a deep breath and decided to bite the bullet.

"Fine, you win. I guess I can just stream the whole season after it's all aired. I can wait for that," he said, wincing at the thought of the long wait.

"Great. I'll sign up tomorrow. Now scram so I can get back to my game," Gaz said, once again turning her attention back to her Game Slave. This time, Dib let her; sighing with relief at her agreement, he turned and started walking out of the room.

"Just you wait, Tenn," he thought aloud, "You may be smarter than Zim, but you're still no match for Earth's best!"

"Shut up before I change my mind!" Gaz snapped after him.

_Skool Assembly Room, Next Day_

"I'm confused. I thought you _didn't_ want to participate in the pageant?" Zita asked as she followed Tenn into the assembly room.

"I didn't, until I decided that I'd really like to wipe that smug look off of Jessica's face," Tenn replied as she looked around the room. Several long tables had been placed around the room, girls standing on lines leading up to them, where they were being greeted by women in rather overly-fancy dresses and too much makeup. Plastered on the walls were posters advertising the pageant and mentioning it as being sponsored by "Dramatis Personae Beauty Products Inc."

"That sounds incredibly petty and childish," Zita commented.

"Your point being?" Tenn countered flatly. Seeing that she clearly wasn't going to change her friend's mind, Zita sighed and shook her head, choosing to not push the subject. Instead she just watched as Tenn got on one of the lines, and after several minutes of waiting, reached the table.

"Well hello there, sweetie, would you like to enter the pageant?" the woman Tenn approached asked, in a voice just a little too sweet for her liking.

"Obviously. Why else would I be here?" Tenn asked, already annoyed but forcing herself to carry on.

"Oh, you're a little tarty. Word of warning, that kind of attitude might cost you some points," the woman said, "Though that green skin of yours might help out some. It really gives you an exotic look."

Tenn was fairly certain that statement was somehow racist, but decided not to comment on it, instead calmly accepting the form the woman handed her and dutifully filling it out.

"Will you be needing any assistance in preparing yourself?" the woman asked, "We have staff on standby for that."

"I'm fine. I have a friend to help out," Tenn replied, pointing to where Zita was waiting nearby.

"Okay then. Well, here's a list of the activities that'll occur as part of the pageant. Good luck," the woman said, handing Tenn a sheet of paper. She took it with a nod of thanks and walked back over to Zita. Before she could reach her, however, she was intercepted by a very irate-looking Jessica, Sara following after her nervously.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?" Jessica snapped at Tenn, "You actually think you have a chance at winning?"

"Maybe, maybe not. We'll see, won't we?" Tenn countered, folding her arms and shooting the blonde a mild glare.

"Are you serious? You have the fashion sense of a sick snail, you don't stand a chance," Jessica spat, "All you're going to do is make the whole pageant look poor quality for letting you in."

"Considering the whole concept is stupid, it's poor quality to begin with," Zita commented dryly, before shooting Sara an inquisitive look, "Are you entering?"

"Well, I was going to, but then Jess convinced me not to, and to be her assistant instead," Sara replied with a shrug.

"I can be very convincing when I want to be," Jessica said smugly.

"All you did was give me 40 bucks," Sara pointed out.

"Besides the point!" Jessica snapped at her, before turning back to the others, "Now where was I?"

"You were making a big deal about me entering this stupid contest," Tenn said, smirking slightly as Jessica's whole face twitched in annoyance at that.

"It's not stupid!" she practically snarled.

"Yes it is," Gaz stated, suddenly appearing next to the group and making them all jump.

"Gaz?! What are you doing here?" Zita exclaimed, blinking in shock, "Did… did _you_ enter the pageant?"

"Yep," Gaz replied neutrally.

"Why would you want anything to do with this?" Sara asked, looking utterly confused.

"Yeah, you hate anything too girly," Jessica pointed out, "If you weren't wearing a skirt, I'd call you a tomboy."

"I have to agree with the rest," Tenn added, "I don't know you that well, but this doesn't seem like your sort of thing. Why are you here?"

"Dib bribed me to enter and spy on you, because he thinks you're up to some evil plot," Gaz explained, not even bothering to try and come up with a cover story. She'd agreed to do this for Dib, not that she'd waste time on making up lame excuses about it the way he would.

The others, meanwhile, all groaned as they processed what she'd said.

"Oh, of course. It never stops with him," Sara muttered, shaking her head.

"Doesn't that loser have anything better to do with his free time?" Jessica grumbled.

"Try living with him," Gaz commented.

"I spend a lot of time in close proximity to Zim. I think I have you beat," Tenn said dryly.

"Fair point," Gaz admitted with a shrug, "Anyway, I'd probably say 'good luck' or 'may the best girl win' or whatever, but I honestly don't care enough about this nonsense to give a damn who wins."

With that, she turned and walked away, leaving the others staring after her.

"Well, that sums up my own feelings fairly well," Tenn stated after a moment with a light wave of her hand, "I intend to win, but I'm not obsessed with it. Best of luck, I suppose."

"You'll need it more than I will!" Jessica spat after her as she walked away, Zita quickly joining her.

"You're not going to tell her you're entering just to spite her?" Zita asked.

"I'm not giving her the satisfaction of knowing that. At least, not until such time that I actually beat her. Then I'll rub it in her face," Tenn explained, as she took out the activities list to study it, squinting an eye at some of them, "Hmm, no swimsuit contest? From what I read, that's usually a big part of these things."

"Sure, for adults. No one wants to do that for kids, though — too creepy," Zita explained, "Though speaking of the activities, what's your talent going to be for that portion?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure," Tenn mused, "I suppose I can do some sort of demonstration of my intellect? But no, they'll probably want something physical. Maybe I can-"

"How about a romantic duet?" Keef suggested, suddenly appearing next to Tenn and causing her to jump back with a yelp and nearly knock over Zita. Oblivious to this, Keef pulled a string guitar out of nowhere and started strumming it, "I've written a song. We can perform it together!"

"I cannot begin to express how little I want to do that," Tenn said with a glare as she and Zita composed themselves.

"Aw, c'mon, give it a listen and you'll love it," Keef said, starting to sing off key, " _Oooh Tenn, you're the best. Better than the rest. Oooh, Tenn-_ "

_SMACK_

And that's as far as Keef got, before Tenn jumped up and spin-kicked him in the face, hard enough to send him flying down the hallway. He landed in a trashcan next to the main exit, which fell over and rolled out the doors, down the stairs, and across the street to come to a stop next to where a garbage truck had parked next to several other can. The garbage men who were emptying the cans into the back of the truck proceeded to do so with this can as well, oblivious to Keef's presence as he was dumped in with all the trash.

Tenn and Zita watched all this from the doorway, and it was only when the truck disappeared down the street that Zita turned to Tenn and arched an eyebrow.

"What was that?" she demanded.

"You think he didn't deserve it?" Tenn asked in return.

"No, the creeper definitely did, but I meant what was that flying kick thing?" Zita clarified.

"Oh. I, uh, know martial arts," Tenn explained quickly, "It's not that big a deal."

"Are you kidding? That's so cool!" Zita stated, "You should definitely use that for your talent!"

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you can figure out an awesome demonstration for it."

"Hmm, interesting idea. I'll have to think on that…" Tenn mused, rubbing her chin in thought for a moment, "Well, in any case, I'll come by your house later and we can start discussing my outfit options."

"Wouldn't it make more sense for me to come to your place?" Zita asked.

"I live next door to Zim, remember? Do you really want to spend more time than necessary in close proximity to him?" Tenn asked rhetorically. She, frankly, didn't want any humans anywhere near the base; even if her house was better disguised than Zim's, she wasn't going to take the risk of having anyone close enough to potentially see something they shouldn't.

"Ah, fair point," Zita said with a slight twitch, before shrugging it off, "Well, see you later, then."

Tenn returned the farewell with a silent wave and parted ways with Zita, the two of them walking different ways down the street. She walked quietly for a few minutes, only being stirred from her thoughts as Zim walked up next to her.

"So, do you have everything prepared for this pointless human vanity contest?" he asked, not really sounding all that interested.

"I have more or less everything arranged. I just need to work out a few details, like a 'talent' demonstration," Tenn said, pausing momentarily as something occurred to her, "I may need to borrow GIR for this."

"Really?" Zim asked, now looking genuinely surprised and curious.

"While I'm not comfortable spending too much time around that malfunctioning hunk of junk, he might be useful for the talent portion of this show," Tenn clarified.

"Eh, okay, I guess," Zim said, newfound interest quickly waning, "Just don't complain to Zim if and when he screws it up for you."

Tenn acknowledged the point with a grunt, as she continued down the street, mulling over her plan.

_A Couple of Weeks Later_

It had been a relatively dull couple of weeks as everyone prepared for the pageant. Oh, sure, Zim had tried to take advantage of Dib being so focused on trying to monitor Tenn's "scheme" with the pageant to carry out his own plan to engineer sentient humanoid animals as soldiers to conquer Earth for him. But this had failed, with none of the subjects ending up being viable except for one, a raven — and even this was a failure, as it refused to fight, instead just lounging around all day in a robe, sitting in front of a fireplace and occasionally shouting bits of random philosophy.

Zim didn't even know where the fireplace had come from, since he was certain he hadn't had one before then.

Anyway, aside from that bit of nonsense, the weeks had passed rather peacefully, and now the day of the pageant had arrived. And while the student body and various guests gathered in the assembly room, the contestants gathered backstage and put their final preparations in place.

"Ouch! Watch what you're doing!" Tenn snapped, as Zita tugged the strands of her wig into braids.

"It's not my fault your hair's so stiff. You'd think it was glued in place," Zita replied, as she continued to work.

"Er, right," Tenn said, wincing at the reminder that she _had_ in fact glued her wig to her scalp. She hadn't really had a choice; with Zita insisting on doing up her "hair" for the pageant, it was the only way to keep her from realizing it was a wig.

To distract herself from the minor pain of the wig tugging at her head, Tenn focused on the mirror set on the table she was sitting in front of, taking in the rest of how she'd been dolled up. She was wearing a knee-length dress, the body of which was the same shade of ruby red as her real eyes, offset by the pale pink of its sleeves and the tights she was also wearing, with a pair of red wide-heeled pumps completing the look. She also had a modest amount of makeup on, a light blue shade of eyeshadow and matching lipgloss tastefully contrasting with her green skin and highlighting her features.

Tenn frankly thought that it was utter ridiculous for a highly-trained member of the Irken Elite to waste their time dressing up like this. On the other hand, as an Invader she was expected to do whatever it took to blend in, so she'd just grin and bear it. And in any case, this would all be over soon enough, and with any luck she'd have put a hole in Jessica's over-inflated ego in the process.

"Be careful! You almost put my eye out!"

" _Speaking of whom,_ " Tenn thought, looking down the table to where Jessica was sitting. Unlike Tenn's more downplayed ensemble, Jessica had gone all out — she was wearing a full-fledged ball gown of an almost eye-searingly bright shade of teal and matching high heels, had her hair done up in a rather "1950s housewife" style, and was wearing just a bit too much makeup. Sara was helping put the final touches on, applying some eyeliner, which appeared to have earned Jessica's ire.

"Sorry, my finger slipped," Sara said, as she put the pencil she was using aside and used a tissue to fix the damage, "Besides, don't you think this is all a little over the top?"

"Don't try and lecture me about fashion, I know more about than you!" Jessica snapped, gesturing to her face, "This is perfection right here."

"Sure, if you're 40, not 12," Gaz commented dryly from her spot down the table on Tenn's other side, where she was tapping away at her Game Slave. Of the three of them, her outfit was the most basic. She was wearing a sleeveless dress that started the same shade of purple as her hair at the shoulders, then faded to black as it moved towards the hem. She was also wearing black tights, black Mary Janes, and just a small amount of blush to lighten her normally pale complexion, with the final touch being a black flower-shaped hair clip on the right side of her head.

"What the hell do you know?" Jessica snapped, before shaking her head, "Ugh, never mind. Why am I wasting my time trying to explain anything to you two? You're no better off than the rest of these losers."

To underscore her point, Jessica gestured around the room they were in. More than a dozen other girls were also seated at similar tables, all of them wearing outfits that varied from modest to garish and everything in-between. Most of them were being assisted in putting themselves together either by overbearing mothers or chipper friends, though a few were getting help from the beauty company ladies. Seeing all this, Tenn squinted an eye and turned to Gaz as something occurred to her.

"Hey, where's your assisting person?" she asked, noticing that Gaz was sitting alone.

"I don't have one," Gaz replied, "I don't have friends outside the virtual world, which I'm fine with, and as for these overdressed makeup hags… well, after what happened to the one who tried to help me, they all lost interest."

"…I'm almost afraid to ask, but what happened?" Tenn asked, she and the others looking at Gaz with morbid curiosity.

"She tried to talk me into wearing this disgustingly pink, fairy tale-looking monstrosity of a dress," Gaz explained with a scowl, which morphed into a smirk as she added, "So I used a hairspray can and some matches someone had lying around for some reason to set the thing on fire, which spread to her hair. She ran away so fast trying to put it out that she fell down some stairs and broke both legs. Now all her friends are worried I'll do the same thing to them."

The others stared at her in wide-eyed silence for a moment, leaning back slightly in mild fear. Then the silence was broken as GIR suddenly popped up from under the table to grab some of Jessica's makeup and shove it into his mouth.

"Hey!" Jessica snapped, kicking GIR away. The disguised robot barely reacted, skipping across the floor with a giggle and plopping down next to Tenn.

"Why is Zim's stupid dog even here?" the irate blonde demanded.

"He's part of my talent performance for that part of the pageant," Tenn replied, placing a hand on GIR's head and pushing down firmly to keep him in place. For his part, GIR seemed oblivious to what was happening around him, as he chewed happily on the stolen cosmetics.

Before Jessica could retort to that, a woman in a particularly gaudy dress entered the room and clapped her hands loudly to get everyone's attention.

"Okay girls, it's showtime! Prepare to line up for opening presentation!" she declared, "Support staff, get on standby in the wings, but for now, stay out of the way."

With that, all the girls stood from their seats and started walking towards the stage door, Jessica haughtily leading the way. Tenn rolled her eyes at this and stood up, grabbing GIR's leash and handing it to Zita.

"Make sure he stays put until I need him," she said.

"Sure thing. Good luck," Zita replied. Tenn didn't verbally respond, just waving slightly at Zita as she walked away.

"Good luck getting him to listen to you. You're going to need it," Gaz commented, as she set aside her Game Slave and also got up to walk away. Zita arched an eyebrow at that and looked down at GIR, who stared blankly back at her… until he suddenly gave a slight shriek and jumped up onto the table, nearly pulling Zita over as he tugged on the leash in the process. She took a moment to stabilize herself, only to look up and see GIR holding a makeup pad in one paw and a set of scissors in the other.

"Makeover!" he shouted, before leaping at Zita and knocking her to the floor with a yell.

XXXXXXX

The assembly room was packed to capacity. The spectators ranged from friends and family of the contestants who'd come to cheer them on, the student body who'd been forced to attend in the name of skool spirit, and people who just didn't have anything better to do with their time. In fact, every seat was taken, which was why Zim and Dib had quite reluctantly found themselves seated right next to each other in the front row.

"Stop putting your filthy human limb on Zim's armrest!" Zim snapped, smacking Dib's arm off of their shared armrest.

"It's for both seats, space jerk!" Dib snapped back, "And I'm not happy about the seating arrangements either… though I guess this _does_ give me a perfect opportunity to react when you and Tenn activate whatever plan you're plotting for this pageant."

"For once, Zim can be perfectly honest when I say that I am not planning anything, and neither is Tenn for that matter," Zim scoffed, "But by all means, obsess over nothing. Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll turn into a sad chair again."

Dib glared at his nemesis, but before he could come up with anything to say in response, the room's lights dimmed. A spotlight shined down on the stage, and the large curtain covering the back half parted to allow a woman to walk out… or at least, something that _looked_ like a woman. It was a robotic mannequin, metallic "skin" polished to the point of shining, body shaped to look like a bright golden cocktail dress, head designed to look like it had a red beehive hairdo, and artificial face painted to look like it had makeup on.

"Hello and wonderful day, everyone!" the robot said, the sensors it had for eyes and glass screen for a mouth lighting up as it spoke, "I am Beauticiatron, CEO of the Dramatis Personae Beauty Products company, happy to welcome you all to this year's Annual Miss Skoolyard Pageant!"

"Why are so many companies run by robots?" Dib wondered out loud as the crowd politely applauded, briefly remembering the robot CEO of the company that had run that innovation fair a while back.

"Obviously because some humans have realized that machines are superior to organics when it comes to leadership," Zim scoffed, "Irkens figured that out centuries ago. It's why we have the Control Brains guiding us to glorious conquest of the universe while you dirt-monkeys can barely reach your moon."

Dib scowled, but chose not to respond to his nemesis' taunt, instead listening as Beauticiatron continued speaking.

"Dramatis Personae is happy to fund this lovely little competition and help encourage young ladies to find their inner beauty… and then buy lots of our products to support it," Beauticiatron said, playing a laugh track after that statement when no one in the audience reacted to it, "But before we get started, I'd like to take a moment to introduce and thank our judges."

At this, Beauticiatron gestured to a table midway between the front row and the stage, with three seats facing the latter. As the robot spoke, the judges emerged from a side door and walked to the table to sit down.

"Two members of your very own staff, Miss Bitters and Mr. Elliot," Beauticiatron announced, the crone slithering to her spot with a scowl while the preppy man smiled and waved to the audience, "And our special celebrity judge, Professor Membrane!"

"Dad?!" Dib exclaimed in shock, as his father walked up to the table.

"Oh, hello son," Membrane greeted happily as he took his seat.

"Why are you judging a skool beauty pageant?" Dib asked, extremely confused by what he was seeing.

"Well, these days even highly successful companies like Membrane Labs have to work with other corporations to properly sponsor and fund things," the Professor explained, glancing over his shoulder as he spoke, "So every now and then I have to waste my time on non-scientific distractions like this to help our partners get attention for events or products in exchange for a sizable donation in return. Like that ridiculous cryptid challenge of Beesworth's for instance, or-"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Jessica called out, catching everyone's attention as she pushed aside the curtain to peer out and glare at Beauticiatron, "How can Gaz be allowed to be part of the pageant if her dad's a judge? That's a total conflict of interest!"

"You're seriously misjudging our family dynamic if you think he's going to abandon professionalism and let himself be biased," Gaz snorted from the side, rolling her eyes.

"That sounds a bit harsher than I'm sure you meant it to, honey," Membrane stated, "But it's quite true. Considering how little I care about this juvenile vanity contest beyond my contractual obligation to be here, I'll give nothing but my honest opinion on everything."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," Beauticiatron said, playing the recorded sound of a throat clearing to get everyone's attention, "But if we can perhaps get back to the pageant itself?"

"Yes, of course, my apologies, please carry on," Membrane said, settling into his seat.

"Thank you," Beauticiatron said, before turning back to the audience, "Alright then, with… that, out of the way, let's meet our lovely contestants!"

The crowd cheered and applauded as the curtain properly parted to reveal all the girls lined up in a row. Most of them either smiled shyly or, like Jessica, puffed themselves up to look more confident and impressive. Gaz and Tenn, meanwhile, seemed to be competing for who could look the most apathetic.

"Now then, here's how this works, for those who don't know," Beauticiatron said, "After each event of the pageant, the judges will grade each contestant on a scale of 1 to 10. At the end of the pageant, they will feed those grades into my hard drive, and I will compute the winner and two runner-ups based on that information."

"Can I just go ahead and mark everyone with a zero for every event right now?" Miss Bitters asked, "I'm just going to do that anyway, and I'd prefer not to have to actually sit through this waste of time."

"No," Beauticiatron replied, somehow scowling despite the fact that her facial features were immobile.

"Wait, then why are you acting as a judge if you hate the whole concept of this thing?" Mr. Elliot asked, arching an eyebrow at his colleague.

"Because the skool board is making me do it," Miss Bitters hissed, "They said if I refused, they'd install bigger windows in my classroom."

"Uh…"

"I can't stand the sun, remember, you idiot?" the old crone snapped, Mr. Elliot wilting under her glare.

"If we could please focus?" Beauticiatron scolded, sounding extremely frustrated at this point, "Now, we will begin by having an initial showcase of each girl."

With that, the robot stepped aside, allowing each girl to take a turn walking to the front of the stage, pose for the audience to display their outfit, and then return to their spot in line. As with the initial lineup, many of the girls walked out with repressed shyness, while others (Jessica most prominently) strutted out with total confidence, and Gaz and Tenn both just walked out normally, forcing rigid smiles for the onlookers, who seemed oblivious to how much neither really cared for the situation. Then, as each girl walked back into place, they were quickly ushered backstage again.

"Now then," Beauticiatron said, walking into the spotlight again as the last of the girls left the stage and the judges made their marks, "We will begin making our way through the various themes we have prepared for this year's pageants. First up, formal wear!"

The girls each came out one at time, wearing even fancier outfits than initially, took a few minutes to pose at center stage, then went backstage again. And in what was becoming a pattern, Jessica was the one most overdoing things (in this case, wearing a full-length ballgown) while Tenn and Gaz were the most downplayed (the former a knee-length gown modeled on her Invader uniform and the latter wearing a slightly more glittery version of her old black dress). The judges marked down their decisions after each girl, and once the last had gone backstage, Beauticiatron spoke up again.

"Next up, night wear!"

This time, the girls came out wearing a variety of sleeping gowns, with Jessica's once again being the most ostentatious, while Tenn and Gaz wore more simple, if tasteful, pajama sets.

"Next, sports wear!"

Now, all the girls came out wearing stylized versions of female sports uniforms, most going for variants on soccer or baseball, while Jessica went with a cheerleader uniform, Tenn donned a tennis outfit, and Gaz went with a gym-style shorts/shirt combo.

"Next, medieval wear!"

"Wait, what?" Dib asked, blinking, as the girls started coming out in various princess-style dresses, Jessica's the grandest of all, while Tenn wore an equestrian riding outfit and Gaz was dressed like a female Robin Hood.

"Do human females normally dress like this?" Zim asked in honest confusion.

"Not unless it's Halloween, no."

"Huh. Weird."

And it only got weirder from there, as the pageant proceeded through various other strange themes. Animal costumes, anime cosplay, ballet tutus, business suits, nurse uniforms, firefighter uniforms, astronaut suits, military fatigues… the list went on, with the running theme of Jessica always being the most overdone, while Gaz and Tenn were mostly matched for being the most downplayed.

"Okay then," Beauticiatron eventually announced, "We have now come to the final event of the pageant, the talent demonstration! After which the scores will be tallied and we will have our winner and runners-up!"

"Finally," Zim groaned, "Zim feels like I've been here forever. I just want this over with!"

Dib didn't want to admit it, but for once he agreed with Zim; he was completely bored out of his mind by this. He was also pretty confused, as so far neither Irken had done anything remotely threatening to the audience. Shouldn't whatever evil plan they were plotting have kicked in by now? Maybe Gaz had managed to sabotage it while backstage?

" _Well, whatever it is, I can't let my guard down. The pageant's not over yet,_ " Dib thought firmly, frowning and shooting a glare at Zim out of the corner of his eye. Zim, however, ignored him, simply crossing his arms and watching as the girls — many of them now back in their initial outfits — carried out various talent performances. Most were either singing, dancing, or playing musical instruments, but occasionally something else was thrown in, like juggling or a magic show. And in one extraordinary case, Francine presented a science experiment, mixing various chemicals… which would probably have been more impressive if said chemicals hadn't reacted badly and formed a huge bubble that then burst all over the stage.

"Well, I have to give her credit for the scientific effort, but not properly preparing for such a basic possible outcome is going to cost her points in my book," Professor Membrane stated, as the goo-covered Francine walked off the stage in a dejected slump.

"Um, shouldn't we have the stage cleaned before we continue?" Mr. Elliot asked.

"Our budget only allows each room in the building to be cleaned once a month. Why do you think the bathrooms are so terrible?" Miss Bitters commented, as Jessica walked onto the stage, wheeling a cart carrying a large birdcage, which contained about a dozen colorful birds.

"Again with some stink-child presenting 'owning a pet' as a talent?!" Zim exclaimed. Hearing him from where she was carefully walking around the goo scattered across the stage, Jessica and paused and shot him a glare.

"The birds aren't my talent, stupid, it's what I do with them!" she snapped, before composing herself. Pulling out a harmonica and opening the cage's door, she blew a series of notes; in response, the birds flew out and hovered above her. She then blew several more notes in sequence, and in reaction to each, the birds started flying around in a series of patterns. The crowd "ooh'd" at the feathery display, which climaxed with the birds all zooming up and forming a diamond pattern, wings fully spread as Jessica's last shrill note faded out.

"Bah, that's it?" Zim muttered, as the crowd applauded, "She didn't even attack anyone with those filthy things. A total waste of animal slaves!"

"They're not… you know what, I don't care if you misunderstand this," Dib said, shaking his head with a sigh as Jessica took a bow and her birds filed back into the cage, one of them accidentally scraping against one of the blobs of goo on the floor as it circled downwards-

_FWOOSH_

-And promptly grew into an eight-foot monster, muscles swelling through flesh that rapidly molted feathers, and eyes now red and bulging.

There was a moment of stunned silence as everyone stared at what just happened. Then the mutated bird gave a bestial shriek, revealing its beak was now full of razor-sharp teeth, and it lashed out with its wings, knocking over Jessica and scattering the other birds, many of which landed in the goo and quickly grew into monsters too. All of which likewise screeched, before joining the first in leaping into the air and then dive-bombing the suddenly panicked audience.

"See? Now this is more like it," Zim commented calmly, even as everyone else around him screamed and dove for the floor to cower under their chairs.

Dib, who was doing like everyone else to avoid the attacking birds, wanted to snap some insult at Zim's low intelligence. Before he could, however, his father suddenly jumped up from his seat to stand atop the judges table and thrust his hands out, firing laser blasts from his robot hands. With a series of these, he soon had all the birds either vaporized or lying in charred lumps on the floor.

"And that's why you never let animals run loose around dangerous chemicals. That's definitely going to cost her some points," the Professor said, blowing smoke off his hands. One of the birds, burned but still alive, suddenly loomed up behind him with a shriek; without even glancing over his shoulder, Membrane brought his fist up to slam into its face, breaking its beak and sending it back to the floor.

"Speak for yourself, I was mildly impressed," Miss Bitters commented, not having moved an inch during the rampage, whereas Mr. Elliot was still hiding under the table. Everyone else, meanwhile, slowly got back up and into their seats, while the Professor removed the remains of the gloves he'd fried with his fighting and replaced them with spares.

"I forgot your parental unit had those things," Zim commented, scratching his chin, "Which is weird, after he used them to wreck all my robots. Ah, poor Lawrence…"

"Are you crying?" Dib asked in disbelief, watching Zim dramatically wipe a sole tear from the corner of his eye.

"Silence!" Zim snapped, as Beauticiatron emerged from backstage.

"Well, with that… incident out of the way, let's move on," the robot said, grabbing the shell-shocked Jessica and dragging her backstage, while Gaz emerged in her place. Reaching the center of the stage, she raised a hand and snapped her fingers. In response, two video screens lowered from the ceiling, each with a game controller attached to it. One screen displayed the start screen for _Call of Gear Effect 7_ , while the other displayed _Halo of Doom: Rainbow Infinity_.

"These are considered two of the hardest first-person shooters ever developed," Gaz announced, "And now I'm going to beat the final level of both of them at the same time."

"Does that count as a talent?" Mr. Elliot asked, as he finally got back into his chair.

"Mastering hand-eye coordination to multitask to such an extent is an admirable skill," Membrane commented, watching his daughter grip the controls and activate both games. For the next several minutes, Gaz easily made her way through both levels simultaneously, only the subtle movement of her narrowed eyes indicating that her gaze was moving rapidly back and forth between the screens, while she effortlessly mowed down endless waves of digital soldiers, zombies, demons, and aliens.

Eventually, triumphant music sounded from both screens as Gaz defeated both final bosses at almost the same moment. As both games went into their end credits, released the controls, rolled her neck and shoulders to release the built up tension, and then walked offstage without another word. As the applause that followed her died down, Tenn emerged, now wearing a karate gi and with GIR trailing behind her, carrying a box.

Reaching the middle of the stage, Tenn didn't even bother announcing anything, just gesturing to GIR, who put the box down and started rummaging through it. After a moment, he pulled out a pair of cinderblocks, which he placed next to each other, before stacking a pile of wooden boards across them and then stepping back. Tenn cracked her knuckles, extended one hand, and then with a cry brought it down on the boards, breaking the whole stack in half. Then, with another cry, she lashed out with a pair of leaping kicks to knock the blocks away, hitting them hard enough to crack them.

"…Okay, that was pretty cool," Dib reluctantly commented.

"Pft, easily impressed worm-baby, any Irken can do that," Zim said smugly, smacking the flat of his hand onto the armrest by way of demonstration. The metal didn't even shake from the blow, but there was an audible crack, and Zim hissed in pain, clutching his hand close and muttering obscenities in Irken as Dib snickered at him.

Tenn, meanwhile, continued her martial display. First, GIR held up another board, which she spun-kick apart. Then he handed her a pair of nunchucks, before backing away and retrieving a set of plates from the box, which he began tossing at her and each of which she expertly shattered while barely moving from her stance. Then she traded the nunchucks in for a set of knives, which she threw at several bullseye targets that GIR tossed in the air, hitting each in dead center.

"You know, it occurs to me. Shouldn't GIR be in a human disguise for this?" Dib asked in genuine curiosity as he watched the robot help Tenn perform various stunts.

"Apparently she thought it would look 'cuter' if he was in his dog costume," Zim explained, making air-quotes and an unimpressed grunt.

Following a few more stunts, Tenn made her grand finish. She jumped into the air, did a series of mid-air flips, kicks, and punches, and finally dropped to land perfectly perched atop GIR's hands, which he was holding up above his head. As the audience cheered, she hopped down to the stage, took a polite bow, and then stepped backstage, dragging GIR with her. As they disappeared, Beauticiatron once again emerged and took center stage again.

"And that is our last performance, everyone!" the robot announced, "Now the judges will feed me the scores they've made so I can pick our winners from the results!"

As the audience applauded again in anticipation, the judges handed the scoresheets they'd been using over to Beauticiatron. The robot took the sheets and fed them into a slot that opened in her chest, then stood still for a few minutes as she processed the information. Finally, she made a dinging sound like a toaster going off and straightened up.

"And the results are in! All contestants onstage, please!" Beauticiatron announced. In response, all the girls came out and assembled in a line again, those like Tenn who had changed their outfits for the talent presentation now back in their initial ensembles. As had been the case throughout the pageant, most of the girls looked nervous, while Jessica had regained the swagger from before her mutant bird mishap and was shooting a smug smirk at the still quite apathetic Gaz and Tenn.

"Now watch me get what's mine, losers," she muttered to them, receiving exasperated eye-rolls in response.

"Having processed the judges' scores of all our contestant, I will start by proclaiming our second runner-up," Beauticiatron stated, opening a compartment on her side and pulling out a gold sash with the words "3rd Place" stitched on it in blue, "And that position goes to… Jessica!"

"WHAT?!" Jessica exclaimed loud enough to leave everyone wincing, except Gaz and Tenn, both of whom snickered at her reaction, "I came in _third?!_ That's impossible!"

"You overdid everything, that cost you presentation points," Beauticiatron explained, the judges all nodding in affirmation.

"But, but," Jessica stammered, utterly incapable of comprehending what was happening. Beauticiatron, meanwhile, draped the sash over her, and then started rummaging around in another compartment of her body.

"And in addition to the sash and title, please accept this prize of a box of [Adhesive Medical Strips]," the robot said, voice suddenly shifting to a male monotone on those last words as she held out a box of band-aids, shoving it into Jessica's hands and then lightly shoving her back. The blonde practically collapsed into a slump, still stuttering in disbelief.

"Pft, whiner," Gaz snorted, "You did better than almost everyone else, just be happy with that. And-"

"First runner-up goes to… Gaz!" Beauticiatron announced, holding up a red sash with "2nd Place" in gold stitching. The purple-haired girl blinked in surprise at that, arching an eyebrow at the robot.

"Seriously?"

"Aside from your gaming skills, apparently the judges were impressed by your subtle yet determined presentations," Beauticiatron said, draping the sash over Gaz and reaching into another compartment.

"Huh, guess that's pretty cool," Gaz commented, "So what's my idiotic prize? Cough medicine?"

"Actually it's an all-you-can-eat gift card to Bloaty's Pizza Hog, good for one year!" Beauticiatron declared, handing a card over to Gaz, whose eyes actually went wide open in shock for a moment, before narrowing again as she smirked genuine glee.

"Sweet," she said, happily taking the card.

"And now, for our first place winner!" Beauticiatron said, pulling out a blue sash with "Miss Skoolyard" in silver stitching, and a bright silver tiara.

" _Well, if the scary purple human won second place for giving a downplayed performance, I_ must _have gotten first. After all, I did the same but better,_ " Tenn thought, " _Not that I_ care _, of course, it's just that if I don't, Jessica can still rub her third place win in my face. That's all._ "

"And the winner is… that adorable green dog!" Beauticiatron proclaimed.

"…What?" Tenn asked flatly, everyone else blinking in confusion, while GIR gasped excitedly and ran out from backstage.

"Yay! I'm so happy!" GIR said, tearing up slightly as Beauticiatron put the sash and tiara on him, then handed him a bouquet of roses… which he promptly started eating.

"I… don't remember casting any points for the dog," Professor Membrane stated, tilting his head.

"Me neither," Mr. Elliot said, blinking in confusion.

"I hate cute animals even more than I hate children," Miss Bitters said by way of explanation.

"Oh, no, your judgements all called for the green girl to win, but I overrode you because my cuteness sensors just couldn't say no to this!" Beauticiatron explained, gesturing to GIR, who had finished with the flowers and had now stuffed the tiara in his mouth as well, the metal warping as he chewed on it. This only made Beauticiatron gush over him more.

"Is that allowed?" someone called out from the audience.

"It is if I say so! I'm the one funding this whole thing, so what I say goes!" Beauticiatron snapped, "Speaking of which, show's over! Everyone go home and buy my company's products!"

With that, the robot CEO shot off streams of confetti while playing celebratory music, and quickly exited the room. There were a few moments of silence as everyone processed the sudden end of the pageant, then they slowly started filing out of the room as well, the audience getting up and heading towards the exit, while the contestants started making their way backstage for the last time, Sara emerging from behind the curtain to help guide a still shell-shocked Jessica find her way.

"Well, glad that's over. Zim has better things to do," Zim muttered, getting up and stretching the kinks out of his back.

"Wait, that's it? Where was the evil scheme?" Dib demanded, jumping to his feet and getting in Zim's way before he could walk away, earning an eye-roll from the Irken.

"How many times must Zim state this, Dib-Monkey? There was no plan here, Tenn just wanted to show up that yellow-haired stink-beast," Zim said, shoving Dib aside and continuing towards the exit.

"But… I gave up a year of _Mysterious Mysteries_ for nothing?!" Dib exclaimed, as it finally sank in.

"Tried to warn you," Gaz commented from where she was still on the stage, examining her gift card, "And if you're gonna mope, go do it at home… or stay here, I don't care. I'm changing and then heading to Bloaty's to start cashing this in."

"Enjoy yourself, honey! I have to get back to work," the Professor said as he walked past, Mr. Elliot also walking out and Miss Bitters slithering off into the shadows. Dib watched them all go, before groaning as he realized how much he'd wasted his time on this whole thing, and walking off in a slump.

XXXXXXX

A short time later, Zim was standing outside the skool by the rear doors, waiting for Tenn. Eventually she emerged, back in her Invader uniform and wig once again braid-free, Zita walking beside her while GIR trailed behind, still wearing the sash but no longer chewing on the tiara, which was mangled but back on his head.

"I still don't see why you're not more upset about losing to a _dog_ ," Zita commented, shooting GIR a look.

"You heard the robot — I would have won if she hadn't decided last minute to crown GIR. I take my wins where I can get them," Tenn replied with a casual shrug.

"Look master! I'm pretty!" GIR said, running up to Zim.

"Yes, yes, good for you," Zim said, not really caring as he turned to Tenn, "Are we done here?"

"Yes, we are," Tenn replied, giving a slight wave in Zita's direction, "See you tomorrow."

Zita nodded and returned the farewell, then walked off. The Irkens watched her go, then turned and walked in the opposite direction, GIR following them.

"So, is this the part where you tell me that this whole thing was pointless because I didn't win?" Tenn asked, already anticipating a rant.

"This whole thing would have been pointless even if you _had_ won," Zim replied, "But as GIR won, that technically makes it Zim's victory, so it was worth something in the end. Victory for Zim!"

Tenn sighed and rolled her eyes at that, looking away from Zim… and jumping as she saw that Keef had appeared next to her.

"Don't worry, Tenn! You'll always be a winner to me!" he proclaimed, holding up a bouquet and a box of chocolates. Tenn frowned, and shoved him away, sending him stumbling into the street-

_WHAM_

-where he was suddenly hit by bus, just hard enough to plaster him to its grill. Its driver either didn't notice or didn't care, as the bus didn't stop and soon disappeared down the street, taking Keef with it.

The Irkens watched this, completely blasé to what had just happened. Then they shrugged and continued walking off, already putting it out of their minds as they moved their focus away from this most recent distraction and back on trying to conquer Earth.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's a wrap on this entry. Sorry it didn't end with anyone's smile breaking reality and turning the characters into the Powerpuff Girls, but like I said, this was only inspired by the episode, not a direct adaptation of it. Though I did stick in a few nods to the episode, if you know where to look.
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> Please comment!


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